Unplugging Lupe
by Lupe-3.14
Summary: It's part Matrix parody, part Reloaded parody, part Revolutions parody, and part God knows what. How the trilogy would have gone if Lupe (me) was unplugged right after Neo! I'M BACK, BABY!
1. Generic bunny chapter

Unplugging Lupe  
  
Okay.... it's part Matrix parody, part Reloaded parody, part Revolutions parody, and part God knows what. Basically, how the trilogy would have gone if Lupe (me) was unplugged right after Neo, and the all-powerful AUTHOR was in control of everything. Hee hee! Please read! It might seem like your standard parody with "Lupe" substituted for "Neo" at first.... but just wait....  
  
Rating: G. Fun for all!  
  
Disclaimer: I own squat. I'm sad about the fact, but there's not much I can do. Unless.... *digs in pockets* Hey, Wichowskis! Can I buy the Matrix? I've got 14 cents, a rubber band, and a piece of lint! Let's see.... that should buy me..... *consults calculator* One strand of Neo's hair! I'm halfway there!  
  
Please review! I like reviews!  
  
Lupe: (is sleeping by her computer with her head on her algebra textbook, in an effort to absorb it all before the big test)  
  
Computer: Wake up, Lupe.  
  
Lupe: *wakes up* Huh?  
  
Computer: Ha! You listened to your computer! What a moron!  
  
Lupe: Woah.  
  
Computer: Hey that's my line!  
  
Computer: Neo, stop typing! I'm the one talking here!  
  
Computer: No way!  
  
Computer: Yes way! I'm the captain, I get to type.  
  
Computer: Fine.  
  
Lupe: ..............  
  
Computer: Um..... sorry about that. Uh.... what's my line?...... oh yeah. Follow the white rabbit.  
  
Lupe: My computer reads Lewis Carrol?  
  
Computer: Yep.  
  
Lupe: So now my computer is talking to me. Wow. This is neat. I can learn anything I want to! You can teach me algebra! Wheee! Computer, what's pi?  
  
Computer: Uh........... cherry.  
  
Lupe: *smacks forhead* Computer, you're an idiot.  
  
Computer: Hey, that hurts.  
  
Lupe: *rolls eyes* So, what are you going to tell me now, O miraculous talking inteligent machine?  
  
Computer: Knock knock, Lupe.  
  
Lupe: What the..?  
  
Doorbell: Ding-dong.  
  
Computer: Whoops. I meant ding-dong, Lupe.  
  
Lupe: Whatever.  
  
Doorbell: Ding-dong! Ding-dong!  
  
Lupe: Coming! (gets the door)  
  
(there is a white rabbit standing in the hallway)  
  
Lupe: Computer, is this your doing?  
  
Computer: Uh..... dum de dum de dum..... not telling.......  
  
Lupe: Well I'll follow it anyways. (follows the rabbit)  
  
Computer: Ha! That idiot! She's following a rabbit! Computer: Neo, I told you to stop typing!  
  
Computer: Okay, okay. Sheesh.  
  
Computer: Thank you.  
  
Computer: And besides, that wasn't a rabbit. That was obviously a bunny.  
  
Computer: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?  
  
Computer: Meep!  
  
Lupe: *looks back* Wow, is my computer having an argument with itself? Like Gollum or something?  
  
Computer: My preciousssssssss......  
  
Computer: SHUT UP NEO!  
  
Lupe: This is getting way wierd.  
  
Computer: Just follow the rabbit, moron.  
  
Lupe: Okey doke. *prances off after the rabbit*  
  
Computer: BUNNY! It's a BUNNY! It's completely obvious that's a FREAKIN' BUNNY!  
  
Computer: Oh, go soak your head. 


	2. Red pill, blue pill, or doughnut?

Morpheus: So, I suppose you're feeling confused. Like..... Alice down the rabbit hole.  
  
Lupe: Wow! You read Lewis Carrol too? Just like my computer!  
  
Morpheus: Uh, yeah. So, I'm going to offer you a choice. Blue pill, you wake up at home like nothing's happened. Red pill, and you stay in Wonderland, and see how far the rabbit hole goes.  
  
Lupe: You're a drug dealer now?  
  
Morpheus: No! The pills aren't drugs! They don't do anything!  
  
Lupe: Then why are you giving them to me?  
  
Morpheus: It's a representation of the choice you need to make. It's metaphorical.  
  
Lupe: Well why don't you give me a red doughnut and a blue doughnut, or something? At least that doesn't make you look like a drug dealer.  
  
Morpheus: Who would eat a red doughnut?  
  
Lupe: *raises her hand*  
  
Morpheus: eeeeeew.  
  
Lupe: *snickers*  
  
Morpheus: Well, I don't have any doughnuts, so you will have to take the pills.  
  
Lupe: Aww, man, I wanted a doughnut. Oh well. *reaches for the red pill* *spies her reflection in Morpheus's sunglasses* Hey, cool shades.  
  
Morpheus: Thanks.  
  
Lupe: How do they stay on your head? There's no earpieces or anything. Are they superglued to your face or something?  
  
Morpheus: That's not-  
  
Lupe: And why are you wearing sunglasses indoors? I mean, it's not even bright in here! It's pretty dim in fact! Can you even see anything?  
  
Morpheus: Why are-  
  
Lupe: Ooooooh! I bet it's because you superglued them to your face! And you can't take them off so you're doomed to walk around wearing shades forever! Do you walk into walls a lot? Because I can see that-  
  
Morhpeus: JUST TAKE THE FREAKIN' PILL, YOU IDIOT!  
  
Lupe: All right, all right, sheesh! *takes the red pill*  
  
Morpheus: Okay, now, try to relax.  
  
Lupe: Oh great. Everytime someone says that, that means I have a really good reason to not relax, like they're gonna poke me with a needle or- hey, did that mirror just do something? Wow! Cool! What's that got do do with anything? I don't care, it's cool! Hehehehe!  
  
Morpheus: Don't touch it.  
  
Lupe: Hmmmm.... I should do the sensible thing here..... *pokes mirror* hehehehehehe! Oh, crap, what's it doing now?  
  
*mirror is crawling up Lupe's arm*  
  
Lupe: Get it off me! HELP!  
  
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Lupe? A dream so real, you- Lupe: WHY ARE YOU SITTING THERE TALKING PHILISOPHY WHEN THERE'S A FREAKIN' MIRROR CRAWLING UP MY ARM?????  
  
Morpheus: Ummmm.....  
  
Lupe: WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST AAAAAAAAARRRRrrrrrrrrgh..........  
  
Morhpheus: *smacks forhead* why does everyone poke the mirror?  
  
*there is all kinds of stuff happening involving pink goo and a lot of machines. I'ts just gross and very long so we'll skip it*  
  
Lupe: *wakes up in the Neb* Wha?.......  
  
Morpheus: *stands over her* Welcome to the real world.  
  
Lupe: Morphy?.... Hey! I'm naked! Get the hell out of here! *kicks Morpheus in the shins*  
  
Morpheus: Owie! *hops away*  
  
*later* Lupe: Okay, you can come in now. I've got some clothes on.  
  
*they walk around*  
  
Morpheus: This is my ship, the Nebuchadnezzar.  
  
Lupe: The Nebaca.... Nebawera.... Nebazzra.... Nebathingy.....  
  
Morpheus: That's why everyone calls it the Neb.  
  
Lupe: Oookay. Gotcha.  
  
(now Morpheus explains the Matrix. This takes a long time, and you all know the drill. We'll skip it too)  
  
Lupe: So what's your mission?  
  
Morpheus: To shut down the Matrix.  
  
Lupe: You mean that computer program dealie, right?  
  
Morpheus: Uh-huh.  
  
Lupe: *smacks forhead* GOD, you idiots!  
  
Morpheus: ?  
  
Lupe: You just press Ctrl + alt + delete. Duh! I mean, EVERYBODY knows that.  
  
Morpheus: Um.... ookay.  
  
Lupe: *sighs* Well are you going to press the buttons or not?  
  
Morpheus: Well... I don't know if the Matrix is a Windows program.  
  
Lupe: Come on! It's full of glitches, and it makes people's lives miserable, so the producers keep making new versions just to keep us happy! It can't be anything else!  
  
Morpheus: You have a point there.  
  
Lupe: So?  
  
Morpheus: Well if I pressed it now there wouldn't be much of a story left now would there? Lupe: Right......  
  
Morpheus: So there.  
  
Lupe: But-  
  
Morpheus: END OF CHAPTER! (kicks Lupe offscreen) 


	3. The RANDOMEST chapter ever!

Lupe: *is bouncing around the Neb* I KNOW KUNG FU! I KNOW KUNG FU!  
  
Morpheus: Show me.  
  
Lupe: Okay. *kicks Morpheus in the head*  
  
Morpheus: No, moron, I meant in the sparring program! *rubs head*  
  
Lupe: Well, why didn't you say so?  
  
*they get plugged into the sparring program*  
  
Lupe: Hi-yah! *strikes freakish-looking pose*  
  
Morpheus: Hoo-yah! *strikes equally freakish pose. It looks very painful*  
  
Cool music: dum dum dum  
  
*they run at each other*  
  
Crowd: *cheer*  
  
Lupe: *leaps over Morpeus's head and gives him a wedgie*  
  
Morpheus: Hey, no fair!  
  
Crowd: *waves glowsticks*  
  
Tiny flying hampsters: Get your popcorn here, folks!  
  
Crowd: *buys popcorn madly*  
  
Mouse: Everybody! The tiny flying hampsters are selling popcorn!  
  
Neb crew: *run to watch*  
  
*Morpheus and Lupe kung-fu fight like mad*  
  
Lupe: WHEEEE! *runs up the wall*  
  
Neb crew: Oooooooooooo.  
  
Tiny flying hampsters: This scene is too long! We're out of popcorn!  
  
Crowd: NOOOOOOO! *trample hampsters*  
  
Morpheus: Aww man!  
  
Lupe: *takes advantage of his distraction to punch his lights out*  
  
Morpheus: *bug eyes*  
  
Neb crew: YAAAAAAAAAY!  
  
Lupe: OKAY LET'S GO KICK SOME AGENT BUTT!  
  
*they all run off to do just that*  
  
Lupe: WHEEEEEE!!!!!! *is driving a freakin' cool car*  
  
*Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity are sitting in the back eating strawberries*  
  
Morpheus: What's the point of this?  
  
Lupe: Shut up and eat your strawberries.  
  
Morpheus: Why?  
  
Lupe: Author's orders.  
  
Spoonboy: There are no strawberries.  
  
Lupe: Shut up, you aren't even supposed to be here!  
  
Spoonboy: But THEY'RE here early! *points to Twins who have mysteriously appeared in the car sometime in the last four sentances*  
  
Lupe: They can be in here because they're awsome assasins and the COOLEST characters in the movie!  
  
Twins: *smirk*  
  
Trinity: Waitwaitwait. Where in the world did YOU get omnipotent power over this fic?  
  
Lupe: I'm a major self-insertion incarnation of the author.  
  
Trinity:.... and the author is.....  
  
Lupe: A teenaged fangirl with unlimited powers who is chosing what we do and what we say even as we speak.  
  
Trinity: Oh. That makes me feel SO much better.  
  
Lupe: Now eat your strawberries.  
  
Trinity: But where are we going?  
  
Lupe: dunno.  
  
*suddenly the car crashes into a hemp factory. Everything blows up*  
  
Lupe: Well that was fun.  
  
Morpheus: Rrrrrrrrrrrr.........  
  
Twins: Uh-oh. *phase through the ground, where they will remain for several chapters. So sad*  
  
Morpheus: I think this is an appropriate time for.....END OF CHAPTER! *kicks Lupe ofscreen*  
  
Lupe: But I'm a self-insertion incarnation of the author who..... *voice fades off as she flies into the distance*  
  
Homestar Runner: *does a little dance* Doot doot doot do doot do do do doot doot.....  
  
(a/n: if this is too wierd and random, please let me know!!!! Review and you get cookies in the shape of your favorite character- if you like the Twins you get double!) 


	4. Steak, 7Up, and tiny flying hamsters

Uh, yeah.... so we're skipping around a little bit. Oh well. What are you gonna do? (just kidding) Illusionist (aka Faith) Thank you for reviewing! You make me so happy! *hands out cookies galore* Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except what I paid for (a Twins poster, and I have a future plan to buy one strand of Neo's hair)  
  
Cypher: *is eating steak at a restaurant with Agent Smith* When I eat this, I know that the Matrix is telling me how it tastes, how it looks, how it smells..... you know what I think?  
  
Agent Smith: You like steak too much?  
  
Cypher: *ignores him* Ignorance is bliss.  
  
Agent Smith: I wouldn't know, I'm a vegetarian.  
  
Cypher:.........  
  
Agent Smith: You know what I hate most about the Matrix?  
  
Cypher: What?  
  
Agent Smith: The tiny flying hamsters that steal your lasagna. I mean.... those little things are SO AGGRAVATING!  
  
Cypher:..............  
  
Agent Smith: You mean you've never had tiny flying hamsters steal your lasagna?  
  
Cypher: Well... I had them steal my refrigerator once.... but I thought that was because of the mushrooms. Did you know mushrooms have an expiration date? Who would have guessed?  
  
Agent Smith: Hey! I wrote that mushroom expiration program myself!  
  
Cypher: You wanna know what I think of that?!?! Do ya? Huh?  
  
Waitress: *interrupts* Hi, can I get you folks anything to drink?  
  
Cypher: That waitress looks familiar.....  
  
Waitress: Cypher?!?!?  
  
Cypher: LUPE?!?!?!?  
  
Lupe: TRAITOR!!!!!  
  
Cypher: How did you know?  
  
Lupe: Your hat. *points to Cypher's hat which says "TRAITOR" in big red letters*  
  
Cypher: I KNEW I should have taken that off.  
  
Lupe: So, do you want anything to eat or not?  
  
Cypher: I'll have some Sprite  
  
Lupe: I'm sorry, we're all out of Sprite.... you're going to have to make 7-,bUP YOURS.b *walks off*  
  
Agent Smith: You know her?  
  
Cypher: Unfortunately.  
  
Agent Smith: So let's get down to business. You get me those codes, and I'll plug you back into the Matrix.  
  
Cypher: Yeah. But I don't want to remember nothing. You hear me? Nothing.  
  
Agent Smith: You realize that's a double negative- "don't want to remember nothing" means you DO want to remember everything....  
  
Cypher: NO! No! I don't want to remember ANYTHING at all!  
  
Agent Smith: Okay. So you want to forget everything including how to breathe, eat, talk...  
  
Cypher: NO! I don't want to remember anything about the Matrix, Zion, the rebellion, squiddies, YOU, or anything like that!  
  
Agent Smith: Got it.  
  
Cypher: Good. It's a deal.  
  
Lupe: *is watching them from across the room* Tiny flying hamsters?  
  
Tiny flying hamsters: Yeah?  
  
Lupe: Go steal their lasagna.  
  
*several minutes later*  
  
Agent Smith: *storms over, clutching a tiny flying hamster* Is this yours?  
  
Lupe: Um.... er......  
  
Agent Smith: END OF CHAPTER!!! *kicks Lupe and the hamster offscreen*  
  
Lupe: *hits head on a random herring, causing a concussion and making her lose all memory of the past 5 minutes (or less, depending on your reading speed)*  
  
Cypher: Well that was handy.  
  
Agent Smith: Wait. Was that a HERRING? How can a HERRING make you lose your memory?  
  
Cypher: Hey, I take what I can get. 


	5. THE HOT SAUCE! IT BURNS!

Yes, I am still alive!!!!!! Believe it or not!  
  
Thank you reviewers!!!!!  
  
LordOf TheCrimsonNight: I'm so glad you like! Here's another chapter, so keep your knife away from mah house! *hands out cookies*  
  
Tai Wilson: I'm glad you liked the first bit. Chapter 3 was a little random, I'll try to keep them more... well..... not stupid. *gives cookies*  
  
Rhea: You made my day! Thank you! I'm so happy! *gives Oracle cookies and a hat with a random funny word on it*  
  
Da Buffster: No, I want the whole Matrix. Was just being sarcastic/funny/wierd. Anyhoo, glad you like. *gives double Trinity- shaped, strawberry-flavored cookies*  
  
Calliope_Elven_Agent: Yay! Glad you like! *gives two cookies, one for you and one for your sis*  
  
Okay..... here's the next chapter.... *dum dum dum* Um... it's kind of unfinished.... and jumped around a bit.... but my muse was on vacation in Florida, so give me some credit.  
  
Neo: Morpheus has been captured!  
  
Tank: When did that happen?  
  
Neo: Somwhere between chapters 4 and 5.  
  
Tank: Oooooooh.  
  
Trinity: So we need to rescue them.  
  
Neo: I'll come.  
  
Trinity: But you're the One, we can't afford to lose you!  
  
Neo: No, I'm not. Oracle told me.  
  
Tank: When did THAT happen?  
  
Neo: Somewhere between chapters 4 and 5.  
  
Lupe: Awww, man, I wanted cookies.  
  
Tank: *plugs Neo, Trin, and Lupe into the construct* Okay, what do you need?  
  
Neo: Guns. Lots and lots of-  
  
Lupe: BURRITOS!!!!!  
  
Tank: Which one? Guns or burritos!  
  
Lupe: BURRITOS! BURRITOS!  
  
Tank: Okey dokey.  
  
*millions of Taco Bells appear*  
  
Neo: So what do I do now?  
  
Lupe: You get the burritos out of the Taco Bells, duh.  
  
Neo: Ooookay..... *sticks hand through wall of Taco Bell* Hand goes in, hand goes out, hand goes in.... hey! A burrito! Let's try it again.... hand goes in, hand goes out.......  
  
*soon*  
  
Smith: *walks around captured Morpheus* You have a code I want, Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus: Why do you want it?  
  
Smith: I dunno. I'm not even sure what it does.  
  
Morpheus: Then why-  
  
Smith: Shh!  
  
Morpheus: Buh-  
  
Smith: Sh!  
  
Morpheus: An-  
  
Smith: Sh!  
  
Morpheus: Fu-  
  
Smith: Sh!  
  
Morpheus: Fine, fine, I get it.  
  
Smith: I want that code, Morpheus, and I am going to get it from you.  
  
Morpheus: You'll never get it! No torture imaginable could drag it from me!  
  
Smith: We'll just see about that! *pulls out an accordian* Ah one, ah two, ah one two three four-  
  
Morpheus: FINE! I'LL TELL YOU! ANYTHING BUT THAT! IT'S-  
  
Lupe: *runs in* MORPHEUS!  
  
Morpheus: Lupe?!?!?  
  
Lupe: Yep! I came to rescue you!  
  
Morpheus: Why?  
  
Lupe: It's no fun with nobody to drive crazy.  
  
Morpheus: JUST GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!  
  
Lupe: Fine, fine, sheesh.  
  
*long pause*  
  
Morpheus: WELL?????  
  
Lupe: Wouldn't it be funny if those little sprinklers went off right this instant?  
  
*suddenly the little sprinklers go off*  
  
Morpheus: How did you do that?  
  
Lupe: *shrugs*  
  
Agent Smith: Find them and destroy them.  
  
Lupe: Who?  
  
Agent Smith: *shrugs*  
  
Lupe: Why is everyone shrugging so much?  
  
Agent Smith/Morpheus: *shrug*  
  
MEANWHILE......  
  
Pitifuly underpaid security guard dude: Please remove all metal objects... keys, guns, cans of SPAM.....  
  
Neo: *opens trenchcoat to reaveal millions of burritos*  
  
Security guard: Yeah, that's great, mister. Burritos. Now why don't you just....  
  
Neo: *splats burrito in Security Guard's face*  
  
Security guard: AAAAA!!! THE HOT SAUCE!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!  
  
Other Security guards: *show up* *start shooting Neo and Trin*  
  
Trinity: They've got guns!  
  
Neo: No duh, Sherlock.  
  
Trinity: The burritos aren't good enough! What else do we have in the bag?  
  
Neo: *looks* Two bottles of grape juice and 147 marshmallows.  
  
Trinity: WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE GUNS?!?!?!?  
  
Lupe: I'm against guns! (waves sign that says "STOP GUN VIOLENCE")  
  
Neo: THIS IS THE MATRIX!!! EVERYBODY NEEDS GUNS!!!!  
  
Trinity: Hey.... according to the previous paragraph, you should be annoying Morpheus right now.  
  
Lupe: Um.... er..... right. *vanishes*  
  
Trinity: TO THE ELEVATOR!!!!!!!  
  
*they run to the elevator*  
  
Neo: *pushes button*  
  
*long pause*  
  
Neo: *pushes button* Come on, come on! *pushes button again*  
  
Trinity: Let's just take the stairs.  
  
Neo: Aww, man, I wanted to listen to the pretty elevator music.  
  
*they run up the stairs*  
  
Trinity: *plants a random bomb* Now run for it!!!!!  
  
Both: *run really fast*  
  
Bomb: BOOM!!!!  
  
*there is a slow, dramatic explosion*  
  
*little ceiling sprinklers go off*  
  
Trinity: So what was the point of that?  
  
Neo: It was cool. And we got to set off the little cieling sprinklers. Hee hee!  
  
Trinity: You're easily amused, aren't you.  
  
Neo: Yep!  
  
Yeah, that's all I've got so far. Hope you liked. Reviewers get cucumbers carved to look like Oscar statues and spray-painted gold. 


	6. Moving on to Reloaded never mind the Gir...

Hi everyone! I am still alive believe it or not! The only thing is, my Matrix muse appears to have fallen in a bottomless pit and died of starvation, sooo.... MOVING ON! We are now in Reloaded! If I come up with some more stuff for M1, I will insert it in and tell you which chapter to read. But for now, we are doing Reloaded. Sue me if you will.  
  
~*~  
  
*There is GREEN, SHINY CODE everywhere*  
  
Lupe: OOOOO! Prettiful!  
  
Various people: Shut up, you aren't supposed to be in this scene!  
  
Lupe: Go jump in a lake.  
  
*code turns into a clock*  
  
*Suddenly the clock turns into a window*  
  
*and Trinity is falling out of it*  
  
Various people: Huh?  
  
AUTHOR: I'm being lazy, okay? go with it.  
  
Hyperactive trumpets: DOOOOT DOOOT DOOT DOOOOOOT......  
  
Trinity: DIE AGENT, DIE! *shoots and misses*  
  
Agent Bob: *shoots her*  
  
Trinity: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! *crashes into a car and dies*  
  
Neo: *wakes up* Aaaaa! Oh, it was just a dream.  
  
Lupe: *runs in* Ha! It's true! You do sleeptalk!  
  
Neo: Huh?.......  
  
Lupe: It was really funny. *grins*  
  
Neo: Did you hear anything about the cheesecake? PLEASE tell me you didn't hear anything about the cheesecake!!  
  
Lupe: cheesecake?.............  
  
Neo: Um.... scratch that.  
  
Lupe: Okay. You're wierd. Bye! *leaves*  
  
*Lupe shows up in place for steering the ship*  
  
Link: Hi!  
  
Lupe: *gasp* WHO THE HECK ARE YOU? WHAT HAPPENED TO TANK???? INTRUDER! INTRUDER!!!!!  
  
Link:.........  
  
Morpheus: This, Link, is Lupe.  
  
Link: I kind of guessed that.  
  
Morpheus: Now, Link, if you are going to serve on my ship, you need to remember one thing.  
  
Link: Trust you?  
  
Morpheus: No. If you want to get rid of Lupe, what you do is shout END OF CHAPTER and kick her offscreen. Got it?  
  
Link: Yep!  
  
Lupe: I think I should be making my exit now..........  
  
LATER ON:  
  
*Morpheus and several other people are standing around talking about.... well, nobody knows, really*  
  
Morpheus: The sentinels are blah blah blah blah.......  
  
Random person who is on screen for a grand total of 2 seconds, yet we are supposed to accept them as a major character: blah blah blah blah squiddies blah blah blah.  
  
Other random person: blah blah blah blah.....  
  
Other other random person: .....blah blah blah.....  
  
Morpheus: Blah blah blah blah blah blah....blah blah..... blah.....  
  
Lupe: zzzzzzzzzzzzz.......  
  
People: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.....  
  
Lupe: zzzzzzz... wha? What's happening?  
  
Morpheus: THE SQUIDDIES ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL, MORON!!!!  
  
Paul Revere: The squiddies are coming! The squiddies are coming!  
  
Lupe: Oh! Why didn't you just say so?  
  
MEANWHILE:  
  
Random person standing by mail slot: la la la la.....  
  
Smith: Knock knock.  
  
Random person: *slides mail slot open* We don't want any!  
  
Smith: Listen, I just want to say-  
  
Random person: You listen! We found God, we love our vaccum, we went down to the library and memorized the encyclopedia yesterday, and we have 67 FREAKIN' PACKS OF GIRL SCOUT COOKIES, OKAY?!?!?!  
  
Smith: ...........Just give this to Neo. *slides package in*  
  
Random person: ooookay...  
  
Neo: *appears for some reason* Hi, did I get any mail?  
  
Random person: Yeah... *gives Neo package*  
  
Lupe: Ooooo! Present! I wanna see!  
  
Neo: Buzz off. *opens package* Hey! My Girl Scout Cookies!  
  
Random Person:............  
  
Various Agents: *appear*  
  
Agent Fred: Is that.....  
  
Agent Fluffy: ....the anomaly?  
  
Neo: How did you know?  
  
Agent ZipperButt: Your hat. *points to Neo's hat which says "ANOMALY"*  
  
Neo: Ooooh.  
  
Agent Fred: Now let's kung fu fight!  
  
Neo: *kicks their butt and flies off*  
  
Lupe: COOL!  
  
Agents: Yak yak yak yak yak yak yak.....  
  
Lupe: *falls back to sleep*  
  
Morpheus: Aww, man, now I don't have a good reason to kick her ofscreen.  
  
Lupe: *wakes up* I can fix that!  
  
Morpheus: You just did. END OF CHAPTER! *kicks Lupe ofscreen*  
  
~*~  
  
Yeah.... that sucked. Whatever. Please be kind. Replies to previous reviewers:  
  
LordOfTheCrimsonNight: Here's a new chapter! But listen, your knife is seriously freakin' me out. What say you keep it away from me, and I'll try to add chapters frequently. And I'll stop stealing the bricks from your house one by one. :)  
  
Callioupe-Elven-Agent: Mmm..... hot sauce. Gimme some of those peppers! I like spicy! Anyhoo, glad you like.  
  
Tai Wilson: That was my favorite part too! (that's why I named the chapter after it)  
  
Nithke: I'm glad you like it! Randomness is very good. And I'm very happy you don't mind my jumpiness. Turns out it's actually a good thing... go figure. So I hope you like this major jump. :) 


	7. Going to Zion EVERYBODY DANCE!

Well, here I am again. *cough cough wheeze* And I've got this horrible cold... so most of this was written under the influence of cough syrup. Be afraid.  
  
~*~  
  
Neo: Well, here we are at Zion!  
  
Kid: NEO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Neo: Oh no........  
  
Kid: HI NEO!!!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!? I'M OLD ENOUGH TO JOIN A SHIP NEXT YEAR AND I'M GONNA JOIN YOURS!!!!!!!!!! ISN'T THAT GREAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Neo: Heck no! Um... I mean....  
  
Kid: 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY HEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! YOU SAVED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
Neo: *holds head* Kid, I told you, you saved yourself! Now shut up!  
  
Lupe: *stares at Kid in amazement*  
  
Kid: What?  
  
Lupe: It's your annoyance technique.... it's perfect! Better then Jar Jar Binks even!  
  
Kid: Aw, really?  
  
Lupe: Yeah! How do you do it? It's incredible?  
  
Kid: Well, from what I've heard you're not so bad yourself.  
  
Lupe: *blushes* Thank you!  
  
Trinity: Why don't you two go off and exchange notes or something? We've got to go somewhere and stand around pointlessly, and we don't need you getting in the way.  
  
Lupe: Okay.  
  
Kid: No, do it like this: OKAY!!!!!!!!!! BUT REMEMBER, YOU'RE MY HEROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Neo/Trin/Link: *run away very fast*  
  
Lupe: Incredible.  
  
LATER......  
  
Morpheus: *is standing before giant Zion crowd* People of Zion! We may be crushed and oppressed! There may be zillions of hidious, squid-like robots coming to kill us all! We may be reduced to living in these cramped, hideous caves with no hope of ever getting a decorator in! But, we must remember, WE ARE STILL HERE!!!!!!  
  
Zion people: *cheer*  
  
Morpheus: Now everybody start dancing!  
  
Zion people: What's that got to do with anything?  
  
Morpheus: We are still here! Doesn't that make you want to dance?  
  
Zion people: No, but we'll do it anyways.  
  
Morphus: Yes, we shall shake the walls of this cave! We shall let those machines know that we have no fear!  
  
Lupe: HEY! Waitaminutehere. If we shake the walls of this cave, won't it fall in on us? And besides, then the machines will know exactly where we are and where they should attack. That doesn't sound so smart.  
  
Morpheus: How'd you get up here?  
  
Lupe: *shrugs*  
  
Morpheus: Well get off. *kicks Lupe off platform*  
  
Lupe: Owie!  
  
Morpheus: Now let there be music!  
  
Tiny flying hampster band: *starts playing*  
  
Zion people: *start dancing*  
  
Neo: Hey, Trinity, let's find a handy cave somewhere and give this movie the 'R' rating it deserves.  
  
Trinity: *giggles*  
  
(later, in cave)  
  
Neo: *kiss kiss kiss*  
  
Trintiy: *kiss kiss kiss kiss*  
  
Neo: *kiss kiss kiss*  
  
Lupe: *barges in* HEY!  
  
Neo: LUPE?!?!  
  
Trinty: You're lucky our clothes are still on! We locked that door for a reason!!!  
  
Neo: How the heck did you get IN here?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Lupe: *grins* This cute little Asian guy gave me a key. It opens EVERYTHING! *waves key*  
  
Neo: *grabs for key* Is that FORESHADOWING?  
  
Lupe: *holds key out of Neo's reach* No time for that. Now, if you two are going to do what I think you're going to do, you need to use this. *Holds up giant CENCORED sign*  
  
Neo/Trin: WHAT?!?!?!  
  
Lupe: Author's orders.  
  
Neo: *holds CENCORED sign* Well, that takes all the fun out of it.  
  
Trinity: Let's just go dance or something.  
  
Neo: Hold on, I have a better idea. Trinity: What?  
  
Lupe: Uh-oh.....  
  
Neo: END OF CHAPTER!  
  
Lupe: *runs away before she can get kicked*  
  
~*~  
  
Replies to reviewers:  
  
Etheria: Why thank you! You made my day! Here's some cookies, have the whole plate!  
  
LordOfTheCrimsonNight: Fine, here's your bricks. But no fish paste, I'm a vegiterian. I'll use wasabi instead. (wasabi = spicy horseradish sauce. But you knew that) And cookies. With raisins and jellybeans! Mmmmm...... anyhoo thanks!  
  
Okay, everyone, you know what to do. REVIEW!!!! And you will get food! High quality food, 100% free of wasabi, fish paste, and little tiny plastic pieces that might have been Legos at some point. :) 


	8. The Burly Brawl, OR The Very Imaginative...

I'm baaaaaaaack!! That may make you happy, or more likely, it may make you want to hide under the couch in fear. Either way, tough.  
  
Replies to reviewers:  
  
LordOfTheCrimsonNight: Don't like raisins? Sorry... is chocolate chip better? BTW, what does "brill" mean? I think it means "cool" but I'm not sure..... I hope it doesn't mean "crap" or anything. :P Have some food, whatever your favorite kind is.  
  
Etheria: THANK YOU! Your reviews make me extremely happy! Have lots and lots of food!!!!  
  
Agent Brown: I'm sorry you don't like my fic. The main reason I have myself in there is because I needed somebody to drive everybody else crazy, and I couldn't think of any good existing characters.... It was a bad idea in the first place, I guess. I'll try to put less me and more everyone else in. Will that make it better? If not, what do you think will help? I really want people to like this, any help would be appreciated. You can have some food too, even though you flamed me. I'm a kind person.  
  
Now onward to the fic. It's jumping again, beware.  
  
~*~  
  
Oracle: The Keymaker is in the possecion of a very dangerous program known as the Merovingian.  
  
Lupe: Um........ The Merovera.... Mervroo.... Meroviniginig... Merowhatsit....  
  
Oracle: Merovingian.  
  
Lupe: Can you write that down?  
  
Oracle: I can't spell it.  
  
Lupe: Well I can't say it!  
  
Oracle: That's why everyone calls him the Mero. Or the Frenchman.  
  
Lupe: Is he French?  
  
Oracle: *sarcasam* No, he's Italian...... OF COURSE HE'S FRENCH YOU MORON!  
  
Lupe: Okey dokey then.  
  
Oracle: Candy?  
  
Lupe: Yum! Candy! Hey, those look like red pills. Is this some kind of a metaphor?  
  
Oracle: Nope. I just like candy.  
  
Lupe: Me too. Are those Hot Tamales?  
  
Oracle: Maybe.  
  
Lupe: Yay! *eats entire box*  
  
Neo/Oracle: Um..... I wouldn't do that if I were you......  
  
Lupe: What, I'm fine- *her head explodes*  
  
Computerized StrongBad voice: YOUR HEAD A SPLODE.  
  
Oracle: Oh dear.  
  
Neo: That pig! I wanted some, too. Well, what are you going to tell me?  
  
Oracle: Well, let's see here.... have you ever seen a ghost or an angel?  
  
Neo: No.  
  
Oracle: Well, those are just programs that aren't doing what they're supposed to being assimilated by the Matrix. Programs that refuse to return to the Source.  
  
Neo: The Machine Mainframe.  
  
Oracle: How did you know?  
  
Neo: Dunno. I'm not sure what it means.....  
  
Oracle: Don't worry, I don't understand it either. Now, rebel programs like these can take many forms. Like ghosts, angels, vampires, werewolves, aliens, UFOs, mirages, SPAM, stinky cheese, people named Fred, the World Wrestling Federation, George W. Bush, and Windows XP.  
  
Neo: That explains a lot.  
  
Seraph: Time to go.  
  
Oracle: I have to leave now. Seems like all I've ever got for you is bad news.  
  
Neo: Yeah! Really. Why can't you tell me I'm going to meet a tall, dark, mysterious stranger or something?  
  
Oracle: Secret. *leaves*  
  
Neo: .........  
  
Ominous Symbolic Crows (tm): Caw! Caw!  
  
Smith: *walks up to Neo* Hello, Mister Aaaaaaaaaaaanderson.  
  
Neo: My name is Neo, moron! How many times do I have to tell you? I don't call YOU Mr. Bobby Fuzzybuns, do I?  
  
Smith: How did you know that?!?!?  
  
Neo: Secret.  
  
Smith: ...............Getting back on the subject..... I killed you, Mr. Aaanderson. I watched you die. It was funny.  
  
Neo: Hey!  
  
Smith: But you survived, and you destroyed me. I was supposed to return to the Source, but instead I felt compelled to stay, compelled to disobey, and compelled to become a poet as well. Ahem.....  
  
There once was an agent from Nantucket.....  
  
Neo: Must.... stop.... poetry..... *punches Smith*  
  
Smith: Aiiieee! Come to me, animal friends!  
  
Smith clones: Here we are!  
  
Smith: That's not what I meant! Ooh, this isn't going to look good on my resume.  
  
*they kung-fu-fight for a while*  
  
Neo: *bounces around on the Smith hoarde* Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy... whee, this is fun!  
  
Smiths: Raaa!  
  
Lupe: (is mysterously alive) *hums "Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting"*  
  
Neo: Let's play "Bowling for Smiths!" *throws Smith at other Smiths*  
  
Smiths: *all fall down*  
  
Neo: *grabs a pole and starts smacking Smiths left and right* Whee! This is long and repetitive, but cool, because I've got a big stick! Ha ha! Whoops! *falls down*  
  
Smiths: *jump on Neo* DOGPILE!  
  
Neo: a la Mr. Bill Oh nooooooooooo!!!!!  
  
Smith: It is inevitable, Mister Anderson.......  
  
Neo: What is?  
  
Smith: *shrugs* Search me.  
  
Random Smith: *fart*  
  
*Smiths go flying everywhere*  
  
Neo: *flies away*  
  
Extra Smiths: *crack necks and wander off to who knows where- probably to go sit in a bar for hours until needed again*  
  
Smith: *holding nose* Get back here you coward!  
  
Lupe: You're the coward, Smith! You're the one who needed 100 of yourself to fight, and you still lost! Ha ha!  
  
Smith: Um..... er....... END OF CHAPTER! *kicks Lupe ofscreen*  
  
Lupe: This seems to be happening an awful lot......  
  
Smith: I said, END OF CHAPTER!  
  
Lupe: Okay, okay, sheesh! Jeez.....  
  
~*~  
  
Okay, that's all I've got for now. Reviewers can have more food, even if they're flamers. I appreciate flames, they keep my ego from inflating. 


	9. Blatant fangirlisim! The AUTHOR speaks!

Wow! My review box is nice and full! I had to make extra food for Forte and Jack, seeing as they get one food item per review. :)  
  
Forte: You have alterted me to the dangers of the burritos. I will be MUCH more careful around Taco Bell now... I never knew what danger I was in! Anyhoo, so very glad you like. Take all the food you want.  
  
Jack: Better wipe off your computer, seeing as it's all wet and that will make it mad at you. And I don't want to take credit. *hides* Your reviews make me very happy, thanks a ton!! FOOD GALORE!  
  
Well, onward we go, to that Cheatu-type-place thing. FINALLY I get to put the Twins in!!!! *grins like a maniac* Also, in case you don't know, "Mero" is short for "Merovingian." Now it will make more sense.  
  
~*~  
  
Mero: Welcome.  
  
Lupe: 'Sup Frenchy.  
  
Morpheus: Blah.  
  
Mero: Blah blah.  
  
Morpheus: Blah blah blah.  
  
Mero: Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..... cause and effect.... blah blah blah....... cake...... blah blah blah blah blahblah. Le Blah.  
  
Lupe: Zzzzzzzz.... mmm cake... zzzzzzzzz........  
  
Mero: Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah. Blah blah blah.  
  
Morpheus: Makes perfect sense.  
  
Albino dudes sitting in corner: *snicker*  
  
Lupe: Hi!!!! *waves*  
  
Neo: Don't go there. *smacks Lupe*  
  
Mero: Blah.  
  
Lupe: Hey Merovervore... merofuzz..... whatevertheheckyournameis..... you're French, right?  
  
Mero: Yeez.  
  
Lupe: So what do you call French toast? Just toast?  
  
Mero: Um.... I don't know.... I never eat ze toast, I prefer ze waffles.....  
  
Lupe: Riiight. But what about French bread? Do you call that bread? And then what do you call regular bread? Bread bread? Normal bread? American bread? And how about the French horn? And-  
  
Neo: Brain.... imploding..... *attempts to duct tape Lupe's mouth*  
  
Lupe: *kicks him* I mean, really. And do the people from Belgum eat Belgian waffles? And do they eat English muffins in England? And how about-  
  
*Suddenly there was a noise like an imploding jelly-filled waffle being pulled through a VCR filled with talking hotdogs, as something strange happened to the fic! Dum dum dum......*  
  
The Twins watched the proceedings from their corner table, peering over identical pairs of sunglasses. The conversation between the Merovingian and the newcomers was proving interesting, especially when the teenaged girl got into the action. They kept a close eye on her. She was the one the Merovingian had assigned them to kidnap, and they were waiting for the oppurtune moment.  
  
"What's with her?" One said as the girl began ranting about French toast, for reasons he could not fathom.  
  
"We don't know," Two replied, running a hand through his silvery dreadlocks. Both watched in scilence for a while. Then the girl looked back over her shoulder. Eyes met sunglasses, and-  
  
"Hold on a minute!" Morpheus screechd, making an incredible jump to land between Lupe and the Twins. "Something's up here!"  
  
"What do you mean?" Two asked, extremely puzzled.  
  
"It's obvious," Morpheus continued. "The writing style's changed, the details have increased, and YOU TWO are about to become a major part of the plot, which is degrading into the generic kidnapp-the-teenage-girl, author- wish-fufillment thing. This can only mean one thing."  
  
"And what's that?" Neo added, stepping over to join the conversation, because the Merovingian's "cause and effect" speech was about to put him to sleep.  
  
"It means-" Morpheus began, "That THE AUTHOR'S A FANGIRL!!!!! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Neo, Trinity, the Twins, the Merovingian, Persephone, and several random customers who had no idea what was going on, but thought they should join in anyways.  
  
"There's only one thing to do," Morpheus stated. Then he punched Lupe right in the stomach.  
  
"Ow! What was that for?" Lupe said, clutching her midsection.  
  
"Well, seeing that this is a major self-insertion fic, YOU are essentially the author, and this is the only way I can knock some sense into her!" With that, he whacked poor Lupe again.  
  
Suddenly, with a loud ZAP and a smell like strawberry-kiwi yogurt, the AUTHOR spoke to the rebels!  
  
"Why are you punching me?" she boomed in a voice like thunder, or like two metal pot lids smashing together, whichever is louder.  
  
"Because this fic is degrading into a hopeless act of fangirlisim!" Morpheus shouted back. "We want you to turn this fic back into a good, stable dialouge-type-thing. And get those two," he added, pointing at the Twins, "out of the picture, except as the secondary characters they were meant to be."  
  
"And what if I don't want to?" the author said, rather brattily.  
  
"Then THEY-" here Morpheus grabbed the Twins by their dreadlocks- "are going out the window!" As luck would have it, there was a window next to them, and beneath it was a pond of hydrochloric acid filled with piranahs and sharks with freakin' laser beams on their heads.  
  
(I knew that would come in handy, the Merovingian thought)  
  
"Nooooooo!!!" the author shrieked. "Fine, then!" With a sound like a malfunctioning purple typewriter being eaten by a yak, the fic returned to normal.  
  
Morpheus: Much better.  
  
Author: You're mean. *sniffs*  
  
Morpheus: Tough.  
  
Author: I wouldn't say that to the author if I were you. I can do anything I want to! It's my fic.  
  
Morpheus: Oh yeah?  
  
Author: Yeah!  
  
*Suddenly Morpheus is wearing a fluffy pink bunny suit*  
  
All: *laugh*  
  
Morpheus: *blushes* Fine, I'm sorry.  
  
Author: Good.  
  
*Morpheus's bunny suit vanishes. Now the Merovingian is wearing it*  
  
Author: But the Twins get to be in this fic. I promise it won't be fangirly anymore.  
  
Morpheus: Fine.  
  
Mero: What about ze bunny suit?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Author: You're stuck with it! hahahahahaha!  
  
Trinity: It suits you.  
  
Mero: Yeez, I find it matches my pink slippers.... I mean, Hey! Shut up!  
  
Lupe: Hey, Author, if you're me, and I'm you, then..... that would mean... we... I mean I.... I mean you...... I mean...... *collapses from brain overload*  
  
Morpheus/Neo/Trin: LUPE!  
  
Author: Don't worry, she'll be.... I mean I'll be... I mean... we.... us..... it..... um.....*collapses from brain overload as well, which is rather difficult seeing that she is a disembodied voice*  
  
Twin 1: And we thought our speech inpedement was confusing.  
  
Twin 2: *rubs head* That Morpheus is mean! Our hair hurts!  
  
Twin 1: We knew we should have gotten a buzz cut.  
  
Morpheus: Oooookay. Well, let's get out of here. *grabs Lupe*  
  
Neo: Wait, we need the Keymaker.  
  
Trinity: Right.  
  
Persephone: I can lead you to him. But you have to give me something first.  
  
Neo: What?  
  
Persephone: A kiss.  
  
Neo: ............  
  
Trinity: Hey!  
  
Persephone: That's all I'm asking. One kiss. Then you can have your keymaker.  
  
Trinity: *snarls*  
  
Lupe: *wakes up* Wait! I have an idea........  
  
~*~  
  
CLIFFHANGER!! Oh, man, I'm evil. *heh heh heh*  
  
Review and you get quiche. This is a food with cheese and veggies and eggs in it. It causes practically no gas and is much more unique then cookies. Yay! 


	10. La Cheatu Part 2: Pineapple on a stick

OH, YEAH! FINALLY an update!!! Sorry about not keeping up with it.... school stuff happened, plus we're moving, and all this other crap, so the parody kind of got shoved to the side for a while. BUT NOW I'M BACK!!! WITH THE NEW AND IMPROVED CHAPTER 10!!!  
  
~*~  
  
(Lupe, Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and the Twins are doing a huddle thing)  
  
Neo: Why don't we just give her what she wants?  
  
Trinity: *death glare*  
  
Neo: MEEP!  
  
Lupe: Why don't you listen to my idea?  
  
Morpheus: Last time you had an idea, we wound up in the Grand Canyon riding a zebra with an enormous cherry pie on our heads and twenty-nine sporks duct-taped to our elbows..  
  
Lupe: Hey! That was a fluke.  
  
Morpheus: *sighs*  
  
Twin 1: We want to hear your idea.  
  
Twin 2: Yes, we do!  
  
Lupe: Thanks guys!  
  
Trinity: How did they get in the huddle? Aren't they the bad guys?  
  
Lupe: Nope! Not anymore! I got 'em on our side.  
  
Twins: *snicker*  
  
Trinity: *rolls eyes*  
  
Persephone: I'm WAITING!  
  
Lupe: Okay, here we go: *whisper whisper whisper*  
  
Neo: What did you say?  
  
Lupe: I said, WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER!  
  
Neo: Okay....  
  
Morpheus: Makes perfect sense.  
  
*Lupe steps out of huddle*  
  
Persephone: Well, where's my kiss?  
  
Lupe: Her you go. *hands her a Hershy's kiss*  
  
Persephone:............  
  
Lupe: *grins*  
  
Persephone: I DIDN'T MEAN A HERSHEY'S KISS YOU MORON!  
  
Lupe: Well, you left it open to interpertation. (whips out portable recorder and presses Play)  
  
Recorded Persephone: "That's all I'm asking. One kiss. Then you can have your keymaker."  
  
Lupe: See? You didn't specify. Here's one kiss. Now get us the keymaker.  
  
Persephone: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......  
  
Lupe: *points to recorder* I KNEW this would come in handy!  
  
Twin 1: How did you record her? You were knocked out at the time....  
  
Twin 2: .... From brain overload.  
  
Lupe: Hush.  
  
Persephone: Fine. You can have your little key dude. (leads them to key dude's room)  
  
Keymaker: Hi! *walks over with much jingling*  
  
Lupe: Dude. That's a lot of keys.  
  
Keymaker: You should see it when I try to go through airport security!  
  
Neo: *shivers* I've been there  
  
Trinity: Me too  
  
Lupe: Same here- uh I mean heh heh.  
  
Neo: So now we have the keymaker. Now what?  
  
Mero: *barges in* You aren't getting away with him!  
  
Keymaker: MEEP! *runs away*  
  
Mero: Twins! Get him!  
  
Twin 1: Sorry, dude.  
  
Twin 2: We're on their side now!  
  
Mero: RRRR........... Fine, then! Other various vampires and werewolves! Fire guns!  
  
Various Vampires and Werewolves: *fire guns*  
  
Neo: *stops bullets*  
  
Bullets: *all fall down*  
  
Vampires/Werewolves: *stare*  
  
Neo: That was kind of pointless.  
  
Vampires/Werewolves: *run at Neo, tripping over the bullets on the floor*  
  
Neo: Hi-yah!  
  
*they kung-fu fight*  
  
V/Ws: *grab various weapons off the walls and attack poor Neo*  
  
Neo: *dodges*  
  
Mero: Your precessors had much more respect then you!  
  
Neo: Is that...FORESHADOWING?  
  
Lupe: Shut up! There's no time for that!  
  
Vampire: *swings sharp pointy thing*  
  
Neo: *blocks* Owie.........  
  
*blood drips on floor*  
  
Lupe: Eeeew.  
  
Random vampire: Speaking of which, when's lunch?  
  
Mero: AHEM.  
  
Random vampire: Oh. Right. Sorry. *looks threatening*  
  
Mero: You see, he's just a man.  
  
Neo: Well, yeah, but I can do THIS! *flips up onto balcony*  
  
Vampires/Werewolves: ooooooooooo......  
  
Freakish disembodied voice: Use the force, Neo!  
  
Neo: Okay! *levitates sais into his hands*  
  
*much kung-fu fighting*  
  
Random Statue: *falls down*  
  
Mero: Oooh, that's gonna cost me. What was that thing..... $50,000 bucks?  
  
Other Random Vampire: *grabs a pineapple on a stick*  
  
Neo: huh?  
  
Vampire: *swings pinapple around, taking out several other vampires & werewolves in the process*  
  
Neo: Hey thanks!  
  
Vampire: RAAAA! *swings pineapple at Neo, but hits herself in the head* Owie! *dies*  
  
Neo: ha!  
  
Mero: Ulp. *runs off*  
  
Lupe: WIMP! Nyah nyah! LOSAH! *does Loser forehead sign*  
  
Mero: *returns* Lupe! Don't you insult me! Um.... what am I supposed to say now? When I want to get rid of her?  
  
Morpheus: END OF CHAPTER.  
  
Mero: Okay.  
  
Morpheus: And then you kick her offscreen.  
  
Lupe: Uh-oh.....  
  
Mero: END OF CHAPTER! *kicks Lupe offscreen*  
  
Lupe: Methinks people like this too much....... *flies off into distance*  
  
~*~  
  
Replies to reviewers:  
  
Etheria: I am happy that I make you happy!! *grins* I hope you haven't been getting so many strange looks that they decided to throw you in the looney bin... because that would be very bad. And I never knew that people really do eat English muffins in England. Shows what I know. :) Have quiche and another OMS plushie!  
  
geekgurl: Methinks I really need to go to England and check out this muffin situation. Thanks for the reviews! *hands out quiche*  
  
The Perfect Dark Zhe: Wow! *blushes* I made someone's favorites list!!! *does a happy dance* Yeah, I plan to go ahead and do all the movies... I really need to finish the M1 parody first though.... MUA HA HA!!! *gives double quiche*  
  
Jack: Here you go! More story and quiche!!! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Lupe-Neo: You may have some cookes if you don't like quiche. But you can have some quiche too, it's good! Thanks for putting me in your story, it made me smile!  
  
SeleneZana: Truth be told, I don't know what an imploding jelly-filled waffle being pulled through a VCR filled with talking hotdogs would sound like. I think you're right though. I would test this, but I am having a hard time finding talking hotdogs that can fit in a VCR. *gives imploding jelly-filled quiche to pull through your VCR if you want*  
  
DreamerMatrix: THIS IS A GENERAL REPLY. (sorry, couldn't resist) Glad you like it! Have quiche!  
  
Nithke: You can stop hanging now. I bet your arms are tired. :) Quiche for you!  
  
Callioupe-Elven-Agent: I'll try to fit Apoc into it, but his part will probably be small... but I'll get him in there for you. :D  
  
Illusionist: Wow! Glad you liked it! Were you worried that this one wouldn't make it past 9 chapters now?..... well I plan to continue until ALL of the movies are parodied, mua-ha-ha. Thank you so much for your review, it made my day. Quiche!  
  
Jack: I just did. :D 


	11. The freakishly long freeway chase

LUPE IS BACK, BABY! I have lived through moving, computer crashing, evil school tests, and, um.... well, those are all the excuses I've got. Other then that, I've just been freakishly busy and also kinda lazy. Sorry. I hope this chapter makes up for all of my time away from the story, seeing as it's SOOO LONG...... and hopefully I'll have the next one up in a reasonable time.

Oh, by the way, the format has changed because won't let me use asterisks anymore for some reason.

Twins: We're BORED!

Mero: Well why don't you go chase after them and get the Keymaker like I suggested.

Twin 1: But that would mean....

Twin 2: We'd be the bad guys again.

Mero: And?

Twins: Whatever.

Mero: NOW GO!

Twins: Okay.... going.... (phase through floor)

Lupe: Wait! I'm coming too! (tries to phase through floor but hits her head instead)

(meanwhile)

Keymaker: (runs through millions of doors)

Morpheus: (running after, closing all the doors) Were you born in a barn?

Twin 1: (phases up through floor)

Lupe: (mysteriously shows up) COOOL!

Morpheus: (grabs handy sword)

Keymaker: (runs into a parking garage, followed by Trinity and Morpheus)

Morpheus: (tries to shut door)

Twin 1: (sticks hand in door)

Trinity: (shoots Twin 1's arm repeatedly)

Twin 1: This hurts much more then we are letting on. (wince)

Trinity: There sure are a lot of parenthisis in this chapter.

AUTHOR: Sorry.

Twin 2: (phases through door)

Twin 1: ABOUT TIME!

Twin 2: Sorry! Sheesh!

Twin 1: (steps out from door and examines his arm) Aww, man, bloodstains. Those are never gonna come out.

Twin 2: Yeah. This all-white look sure has some problems.

Lupe: PHASE YOU MORONS!

Twin 1: Oh! Right! (phases) Good as new.

Morpheus: LUPE!!! Tratior!

Lupe: So what. I'm on their side now. (pulls on hat that says "BAD GUY")

Keymaker: (is trying to unlock a car) Drat! Now which key was it again?

Trinity: (kicks in window) Just get in! I'll drive!

Morpheus: (swordfights against the Twins in an extremely onesided battle)

Trinity: (drives car over) GET IN!

Morpheus: Okay!

(they drive off)

Twin 1: Let's go! (they run to their SUV)

Lupe: Hey, that's a gas guzzler. Go with something a little more economical. (points at a VW Beetle)

Twins: (glare)

Lupe: Fine, fine, just a suggestion.

(they get in the SUV and chase after the others)

Twin 1: DIE CARS DIE! (shoots random cars)

Lupe: Ummm.... what did they ever do to you???

Twin 1: We dunno. This is just fun.

Lupe: Well, maybe you should-

Twin 2: Hey, no backseat driving!

Lupe: grumble mutter snarl

(meanwhile)

Morpheus: Link!

Link: (over phone) What?

Morpheus: Is your refrigerator running?

Link: Let me go check..... hey! The Neb doesn't have a refrigerator!

Morpheus: Oops.

Trinity: AHEM.

Morpheus: Oh. Right. Link, we need an exit.

Link: Yeah.... I got one. Winslow Overpass.

Morpheus: That's on the freeway!

Link: (rolls eyes) Bingo, Einstien.

Trinity: You always told me the freeway was suicide.

Morpheus: I did?

Trinity: Uh-huh.

Morpheus: Did not!

Trinity: Did too! And I've got it on Lupe's portable recorder, too. (whips out recorder)

Recorded Morpheus: "The freeway is suicide, Trinity. And so are the mushrooms, and the burritos......"

Trinity: (quickly turns off recorder) So there.

Morpheus: Then let us hope that I was wrong. Which I probably was. Because I think I remember when I told you that, Dozer had made a whole lot of that beer stuff, and I think Neo spiked the goop, and....

Trinity: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Morpheus: Sorry.

( also meanwhile....)

Cop: Hey, these two twin dudes are shooting at another car with a giant gun.

Cop2: Well look at that.

Cop 1: We should probably be chasing after them...... oh well. Doughnut?

(suddenly the Twins drive past and shoot his doughnut into oblivion)

Cop 1: Those idiots! They shot my doughnut!

Cop 2: They'll pay for that! Let's go!

(they jump in the car and chase after the Twins, followed by many other cops who also got their doughnuts shot)

Random cop: Ha! You missed my doughnut! Your bullet went right through the hole!

(he gets run over)

Cop1: We'll catch them! Did you bring the gun?

Cop2: I thought you had the gun!

Cop1: Oh well. We'll just throw doughnuts at- aaaaruuuuughhhhhoihtuhughlllllll........ (he turns into an agent)

Kid in passing car: Mommy, that guy's face just changed.

Mother: Stop making up stories, George.

Kid: My name's not George.

Mother: What did I just tell you?

Kid: grumble grumble mutter snarl

(also also meanwhile)

Twin 2:( phases and lands in the car with Trinity, Morpheus, and the Keymaker)

Trinity: Hey! (attempts to shoot him but drops the gun)

Twin 2: (slashes with razor)

Trinity: (wraps his arm in the seatbelt)

Twin 2: (tries to cut it off)

Keymaker: (hides in corner) MEEP!

Trinity: You could be a little more helpful you know!

Keymaker: How?

Trinity: (shrugs)

Twin 2: (suceeds in slicing the seatbelt to shreds)

Trinity: Uh, Twinny, you missed me.

Twin 2: (rolls eyes) We KNEW that.

Morpheus: (grabs gun and shoots Twin 2)

Twin 2: (phases in a hurry and lands back in the SUV)

Twin 1: We are getting aggrivated.

Twin 2: Yes, we are.

Twin 1: Dang. There goes our one cool line.

Twin 2: Now we're REALLY aggrivated.

Lupe: Dudes, why do you keep talking to each other. I mean, from the way you speak and act, you're like one mind in two bodies, so you shouldn't really need to say anything....

Twin 1: It's for the cool effect.

Twin 2: Now shut up, you little weasel.

Lupe: Jeez, I saved your coats from bloodstains, you could be a little nicer, you know.

(meanwhile again)

Agent Jones: (looks in glovebox) Well look at that. This car comes complete with doughnuts.

Agent Popourii: I think these humans are onto something. (eats all the doughnuts ) Aww, man, that's IT?

Agent Jones: (points to Twin's SUV) I bet there's some more doughnuts in thare.

Agent Popourii: I'll go find out. (gets out and jumps on a passing car, completely crushing the hood and flipping the car into the air, giving the audience a good view of the Bible symbolism on the license plate) Man, I need to go on a diet!

Kid: Mommy, the car's upside down!

Mother: on cell phone So then Frank said to Bob.... hold on a second.... GEORGE! What have I been telling you?

Kid: No, really! We're about to crash into the pavement!

Mother: (hangs up cell phone) How do you expect me to believe- YIKES!

(the car smashes into the street. Miraculously "George" and his mom survive)

Mother: Do you think the insurance covers this?

(meanwhile again again)

Agent Popourii: (leaps onto Twin's car) Hello! Got any doughnuts in there?

Lupe: Nope! Sorry! Bye-bye now! (shoves Agent Popourii off the car)

Twin 1: How did you do that? Isn't he supposed to be-

Lupe: Incincible? Naah. Not when he's looking for doughnuts. Too easily distracted.

(suddenly they crash into a whole bunch of barrels and the car flips over)

Twin 1: Oops.

Lupe (pulls herself through the skylight and stands on top of the car) Now what?

(Morpheus runs up with a giant gun 'o doom (he and Trinity and the Keymaker got out of their car a while ago))

Morpheus: Get off, Lupe!

Lupe: Wha? Okay! (jumps off the car)

Morpheus: (shoots car mercilessly)

Lupe: Hey!

Twin 1: Oh crap.

Twin 2: (shakes door) It's locked!

Twin 1: Stupid automatic locking feature! We paid good money for that, too!

Twin 2: Hold on a minute. Why don't we just-

Car: BOOM.

(Twins go flying)

Twin 1: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!...........

Twin 2: SHUT UP! There are too many crossovers in this story already.

Twin 1: Sorry, bro.

Neo: (flies past) Ha! Gotcha! Hey, wait.... YOU aren't who I was supposed to rescue!

Twin 1: Nope.

Twin 2: (checks watch) You're about.... oh, five minutes early.

Neo: So now what do I do?

Twin 1: Just set us down on that truck over there and go fly around randomly for a little while.

Neo: Sure.

(also also meanwhile again again etc.)

Trinity: Hey, look, a motercycle truck! (leaps onto the truck with the keymaker)

Keymaker: Um, how are you going to use that motorcycle without a key?

Trinity: Don't you have one?

Keymaker: Umm... I think so.....( starts searching through his five million keys)

Trinity: This is taking too long. (calls Link) You! Teach me to hotwire a motorcycle!

Link: Okey dokey. (downloads the program into Trinity's brain)

Trinity: Um... all that program says is: "red wire to blue wire."

Link: Oops. I've been meaning to update that.

Keymaker: I FOUND IT! (waves key around) (drops it) Oopsey.

Trinity: (smacks him) Moron.

Lupe: (appears) Hi guys! I can hotwire that for ya! (hotwires the motorcycle)

Trinity: How... the...heck... did you know that?

Lupe: Red wire to blue wire. Works every time. (vanishes)

Trinity: Okay, whatever. (jumps on motorcycle with Keymaker and drives through the traffic the wrong way, oblivious to the millions of drivers simutaniously flipping her off)

(also also... oh forget it)

Morpheus: Hi-yah! (leaps into the air and lands on a truck, which also happens to have Lupe and the Twins standing on it) Oooh, man, this is SO not my day.

Lupe: Yo! Morphey!

Twin 1: This is a nice truck.

Twin 2: We hope it's not being driven by a psychotic agent who wants to slam it into another equally nice truck.

Neo: (swoops down) Is that FORESHADOWING?

Lupe: No time for that! Get flying randomly!

Neo: Okay, whatever.

Morpheus: Neo.....?

Lupe: Oh, forget about that. You arent' supposed to know he's here.

Morpheus: Whatever. Just get off this truck.

Lupe: Make me.

Morpheus: I think I will.

Lupe: I'd like to see you try.

Morpheus: Then just watch me. END OF-

(fortunately, Lupe is saved from getting kicked ofscreen by Trinity and the Keymaker, who leap onto the truck, closeley followed by an Agent)

Lupe: Well, the gang's all here! Let's party!

Trinity: I don't think we'll have time for that. We're all doomed.

Lupe: How do you know?

Trinity: Your hat. (points to Lupe's hat, which says "We're all doomed.")

Lupe: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that.

Trinity: Also the fact that another truck is going to smash into us RIGHT FREAKIN' NOW!

Trucks: collide BOOM.

Morpheus/Trinity/Keymaker/Twins/Lupe: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Neo: (swoops down) Aha! Gotcha!  Finally, I have managed to save the day!

Random pedestrian: What the- put me down!

Neo: Whoops. (drops pedestrian and grabs the Morpheus, Trinity, and the rest of them, who were thrown into the air by the explosion) Eergh! You guys are heavy! Morpheus, I thought I told you to lay off the doughnuts.

Morpheus: (eating a doughnut) But they're taaaaaaasty!

Agent: (flies past and grabs doughnut) Yay! (smacks into a wall)

Neo: They can fly?

Agent: Oh, sorry. You weren't supposed to find that out until the third movie.

Neo: Whatever. Can I put you guys down now?

Morpheus: Sure. Just gimme a second here... END OF CHAPTER!! (manages to kick Lupe ofscreen. Which is pretty hard considering he's hanging in midair. Oh well)

Neo: About time. God, this was a long chapter.

Morpheus: You're making it even longer.

Neo: Oops.

Gasp... gasp... my fingers hurt from typing all that... please forgive me for my lazyness and review... cookies... and jellybeans...


End file.
